why i don't watch the victoria's secret fashion show

The annual Victoria's Secret fashion show was something I always looked forward to ever since high school. Basically when I could start wearing the brand before the Pink line was born.

After every show, I would go on a crazy, strict diet in hopes of having the ideal Victoria's Secret model body. When I wouldn't achieve the body in 2 weeks (short deadline I gave myself, right?), I'd find my way to that pint of ice cream & begin the next month of being brutally hard on myself.

It wasn't until I was 24 years old and fell into depression that I became aware of what the show was doing to me mentally. I became depressed because I was so conscious of what I looked liked, what I put into my body and never believing that my body was up to the model standard of a size 0. I'd look at women on TV and girls my age in Atlanta, admiring their stick thin thighs and flat stomachs. The idea of being able to fit in a size 0 consumed me. But from girl to girl, let's be real. I was a size 0 for maybe half of my 6th grade year and even now, my right thigh alone isn't close to a size 0.

When I started going to therapy, I learned about all the ways I was bullying myself. From my years in ballet to idealizing models, I was setting myself up for disappointment and self doubt.

So I decided to make a change - to treat myself better. I threw away my scale and still to this day don't own a scale. I bought clothes that actually fit me instead of getting upset that my once smaller sized jeans no longer fit or buying a size 2 sizes too small in hopes that I'd be in them by summer. I'll be honest though, I still have days of struggle where I'm down on myself but now at 27 I can say I've come a long way.

That December when it was time for the Annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show to aire, I didn't quite know what to do. Everyone around me was talking about their insane diets they were going to start. My friends were planning binge eating viewing parties. After dealing with an eating disorder at the time of my depression and talking through it in therapy, this type of party was not at the top of my list.

The last thing I wanted to do was watch a fashion show of stick thing models in lingerie, only to feel sorry for myself resulting in bullying myself which included undereating and over working out.

That was the year I decided to forgo watching the show. I've kept it that way ever since.

I'm not going to sit here and urge you to boycott the show. These women are insanely beautiful, have wonderful bodies for the amount of time they workout and diet. The costumes, the hair extensions, the music *note - I am sad to be missing Lady Gaga's performance* is what the show is about. If you want to view it, go for it.

All I'm asking is for you to put yourself first. Put how you feel about yourself over seeing these models in extravagant costumes who, honestly for half of them, their metabolism hasn't changed since they're still what? 19?

Don't go on a crazy diet because you saw so and so walk the show and now you're trying to be her size.

Do yourself a favor - don't watch the show. Cook dinner with your friends, go to a workout class, read a book, wrap Christmas presents. Do something for yourself. Bulling yourself in the end is never worth it.